So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
