is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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