this beer tastes like vomit already
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
