I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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