I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
