I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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