I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
