Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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