you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
