sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize