Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
