Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
