I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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