Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
