i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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