can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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