I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
