I could have mohawked her pubes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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