Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
