and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
