i wish my penis had a tongue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
