I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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