I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
