got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
