Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this boner is exhausting
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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