didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
