She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
