you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
