My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
