Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
