he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
