In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
