I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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