I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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