she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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