so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
