I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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