I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
