Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
