go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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