dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
