That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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