I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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