Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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