You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
