can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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