i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize