He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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