mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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