When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
