why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
