He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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