My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
