he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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