Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize