Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
