Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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