I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
