He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
