i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can text with my tongue
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
