Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
