Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
