I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
