If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
