Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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