We're like a lot better than the average bears
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
