So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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