If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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