"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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