I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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