I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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