its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
