i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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