RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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