I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
