My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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