ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
