piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
