If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
