What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
