someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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