Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
