I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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