I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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