are you so shy because you have an std?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
