why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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