Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize