We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
