there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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