Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
